“Every 73 seconds, an American is sexually assaulted. And every 9 minutes, that victim is a child. Meanwhile, only 5 out of every 1,000 perpetrators will end up in prison.”

Consent matters. It is our job as parents to educate our children on consent and it doesn’t just start with high school sex education. In the eyes of the law, if you do not ask before you touch, kiss or do anything sexual with a partner, and they don’t give consent, that is a form of sexual assault. Here are some ways to educate your children on consent for each age group to ensure your child and their future relationships are safe.

Toddler and Elementary Grade

• Teach the correct vocabulary. A Vagina is a vagina. A penis is a penis. These are the foundational concepts surrounding consent for this age group.
• Teach body autonomy. A great lesson for early consent is during a game of tickle monster and your child says “stop or no”, that request should be immediately respected. Stop does not mean keep going and No does not mean yes. If your child does not want to hug nana or Uncle Joe, then do not force them. Their body, their choice.
• Teach the importance of reporting. Educate your child on good touch vs bad touch…. “Only mommy, daddy and the doctor can touch our private parts for bath time, potty time or if there is a medical reason. What are your private parts…. where your bathing suit covers”. Educate your child on who a safe person is to report. A parent, teacher or doctor is a safe person to report.

Late Elementary and Middle School

• Build stronger boundaries. Teach concepts about coercion and peer pressure. If a friend says they dont want to jump in the deep end of the pool, they don’t have to jump. Their body, their choice.
• Teach critical thinking skills. If you see sexism in the world around you, such as in movies, on television or real-life situations, point it out and ask them what they think. Help them reach their own conclusions.
• Teach the concepts of sexism and misogyny. For example, it is not just the female who should seek consent. It works both ways. Also, it is not just the responsibility for the female to be responsible for for pacing/stopping a sexual act. A man can so no too.
• Be ready to respond with questions about sex and let them lead the conversation
• Discuss pornography. This can lead to a misguided message about sex and intimacy. It can also portrayal an unrealistic expectation or preconceived notion regarding the male/female body and the act of sex.

High School and Young Adult

• Everything mentioned in the Middle school years including…..
• Peer pressure- No means no…. not maybe. Educate your teen that its not okay to pressure or be pressured. Sex is a big decision and any one that puts pressure on that decision is not worth their time.
• Be specific- Going to the other room to “make out” is not code for “lets have sex”
• Verbal vs non verbal consent- Non verbal would be the act of kissing, eye contact and pulling your partner close; However, if non verbal consent is not clear, ask for verbal confirmation.
• Under the influence- Drinking and drugs can affect consent. Any one under the influence is not capable of giving consent. If they can not drive, they can not give consent. It is equivalent to rape.
• Teach that they can change their mind at any moment. Before, during, at any moment.
• Informed- Using protection and informing their partner
• When sex is against the law- Anyone under the age of 13 can not consent to sex even if they agree. When a person is drunk/high, asleep, passed out or disabled in a way that inhibits them to understand. Check local state laws regarding specific teen ages.

Positive Vs Not Positive Forms of Consent

Positive

• Is this okay?
• Can we try this?
• We can stop if you’re not comfortable.
• Checking in on your partner before, during and after

NOT

• Not acknowledging the word NO!
• Under the age of consent
• Drugs and alcohol involved
• Assuming revealing clothing, flirting and kissing is an invitation to more
• Pressuring and intimidation
• Assuming you always have permission after the first time

The most important thing to take away during educating your child about consent is to keep an open mind and keep calm. The idea of talking about sex with your child/teen is scary and awkward but if you dont do it, then who will. It is better for this conversation to come from the parent.

How do you educate your child about consent?

The greater ignorance of basic kitchen knowledge, financial sense and interpersonal living skills is setting up kids for failure in the adult world. Home Ec encompasses cooking, child development, education & community awareness, home management, sewing & textiles, budgeting and economics.

Here are a few basics skills we can utilize over this break to educate our children so they have a more successful foot out the door into adulthood.

Toddlers

• Fold washcloths, pair socks
• Throw away trash
• Put toys away

Elementary

• Help bake cookies (measurements, mixing, forming)
• Help cook dinner
• How to use a butter knife and sharp knife
• Set the table, clear the table
• Sew a button
• Plant Herb garden
• Fold and put away laundry
• Make a grocery list
• Wipe down table/counter correctly
• Use a toaster and microwave
• Vacuum
• Learn to read and write in cursive

Middle/High school

• Sew a button, Sew a hem, use a sewing machine
• Cook two simple meals (pasta, tacos), Fry and boil an egg
• Use a toaster, microwave, stove top, and oven (while someone is home)
• Bake brownies, learn measuring cups and spoons
• Do laundry including iron
• Balance a check book (even with online banking)
• Make a grocery list with a set budget
• Use a hammer
• Plant a veggie or herb and maintain the plant
• Babysit sibling
• Wipe down table/counter correctly
• Clean a bathroom, mop a floor

These are all basic things your high school child should master before living on their own. You will do them a favor and they are doing you a favor by helping around the house.

Comment below what your child does at home and be sure to include their age.